Check, check, check

I've got this huge list I am working through before my trip. 

[] coffee & aeropress

[]  passport 

[] visa (145$) 

[] clothes (which ones? how warm is it? Will it rain?) 

[] gifts for friends I'm staying with/mooching off  

[] travel insurance (because let's not repeat the Pnom Penh airport incident) 

[] hand sanny

[] VPN  

[] CAMERA!!!  

[] laptop? iPad! laptop and iPad? Just iPad? Photos? Conundrum. External hard drive. 

[] external hard drive (but no laptop.. Somehow it should work) 

[] piece of mind?! 


Im going back to China for a visit! I keep wavering between excited, optimistic and bone crushingly anxious. Which is weird because it's going to be a breeze for me... I used to live there, I can speak the language, even read a little bit. Yet I was so anxious today. As most of my friends, coworkers and family will tell you I usually err on the side of buoyantly optimistic. I'm often late simply because I'm optimistic about traffic and my speeding abilities. Yet this crippling anxiety today. It's funny how you know in your head it's not logical. So what I might not pack everything, or I might run out of time, or I might not be able to get that thing for that friend.. But is it worth this panick? Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things if I do my best to get it done? No. But my brain never seems to win over my heart. It is an ongoing tug of war.  

Just writing these thoughts down does help me to process and understand more. Writing helps that head/heart balance. Prayer helps me a lot. Reciting portions of the Bible that comfort me. I'm convinced that a good nights sleep helps a ton as well. As Anne says, "Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it." With a smile Miss Stacey adds, "Yet!"